|the glorious return?
||[09 Feb 2005|09:52pm]
ugh this is a vent.
because i need to.
its like whatever i do is wrong for one person of many. if i wave rather than talking its wrong. if i distance my self from a to spend time with b then realize i miss a so i distance my self from b both a and b are annoyed. i dont know. all the worrying about everyone elses feelings makes me come off like i dont care about anyone. but i do. i care too much. and i worry too much to the point where i cant be happy. and im not. im bad at articulating what i want and need because i dont want to upset anyone. but that just makes people more annoyed. i hate doing things i dont want to do, but i do them anyway and its obvious and bad. sometimes i just want to go to back to when things were so much simpler. when no emotions were involved. its so much less fun. but so much easier. sometimes all i want to do is drive around with kate and listen to our theme song and talk to random people. sometimes all i want to do is hang out with kevin and drive around. or eat doc cheys and sleep in mimis comfy bed. but i feel like everything im trying to do right now is so scattered and halfassed that im doing everything wrong.
today was weird. and it was my fault. sorry. i know exactly what i did. and exactly why i did it, but i cant bring my self to just say it. as annoyed as i get with you for never telling me exactly how you feel. or whatever. i get just as annoyed with myself for never telling you how i feel. and somehow i can say it here but not to your face. i went to starbucks because i really thought youd be there. it took me about 30 seconds of walking by myself to fix my mood. but thats not fair of me. but whatever. like maybe stuff like this just has to happen more than id like for it to?
this weekend is going to be sad. i havent seen kate/mimi/lind/etc. for girl time in a while. everytime we've gone out its been with boys or in a huge group. i want to relive that day where linda kate and i went to GA tech and saw daniel and then randomly saw jonhathan sangster then ate dinner at krystal then went to cobb..where they proceeded to get shitfaced and i lost my fone and drove all around cobb looking for it. i still remember sitting by those tennis courts in that neighborhood. knowing exactly what was about to happen. i loved running through the grass that night and the taste of really old weed. then losing kate. i love the outfit i wore that night. i love that i rode with nick and hed jsut gotten his liscense and he was fucked up and i didnt care. i let kate drive my car to the avenue. i didnt care. i must have smoked a pack of ciggarettes that nite.
everything seems so strained right now. between me and everyone. and i dont know how to fix it. i guess i need to learn. i guess i am learning. i complain about double standards and yet i propagate them. i know im overtalking everything. but i want to. and i am.
so this was/is the glorious return. i suppose. i tried to update the other nite but lj was a whore so my haitus was a bit longer than it should have been. i think it was a week. a week of not updating. thats a record for me. wow.
||[03 Feb 2005|09:32am]
its been fun.
but not fun enough.
||[02 Feb 2005|11:07pm]
katey gets mad props for this quiz...except thats a HORRIBLE pic of me
||[02 Feb 2005|10:24pm]
| You scored as I caught Fire. I Caught Fire - you love love. What can we say? My favorite song off of In Love and Death.|
I caught Fire
All that I've Got
Blue and Yellow
I'm a Fake
Which the Used song are you?
created with QuizFarm.com
||[02 Feb 2005|07:50pm]
im so sick of doing what i dont want to do.
even down to where i eat.
im going to start acting like im 7 even more than i do now.
i want to do whatever i want to do.
call it selfish
im calling it sanity
|all youve done for me...has been so much.
||[01 Feb 2005|08:21pm]
blah i have so much to say and no motivation to say it. but im updating at the request of vkrowtcbyz.
right now im listening to still naive. i really like still naive. ive listened to tinkers punishment aka the films today, jennifer nettles, sugarland, doria, ani, tantric. all of the bands that are inherently me.
i had a really really really weird dream last nite. bill not bill bridgers made a cameo. we were at ihop and he was guilt tripping me into calling him before he died of lung cancer. then today i got a call from my grandma. and i was like shit, does he have lung cancer. i felt bad. but not bad enough to call. or to call my grandma back. SYOB! im brushin it off. happy thoughts
my dad got a new cell phone number and its weird. i dont know. i think im going up there over our non-existant easter break. i really hope i can. my daddy is coming to see me for like a day during febuary. bleh. 1 day for every 3 months. not bad!
but today was a good day.! free assembly. the awkward stairwell experiment failed. i ate SO FUCKIN MUCH at lunch. its for me and my baby duck. right? haha. then i was hyper the rest of the day. i hate math class. i got a pina collada after school. fresh coconut is better. blueberrys are bitter. i HATE robinson.
umm ive been lounging this afternoon. tomorrow im having lunch with this really weird emo kid. he wears girls jewelrry and stuff. EWWWWWW
i love this song. you should listen to it.
i want a chill weekend like really chill but its not going to happen
o and dons response when someone asked me my screename, " thats why youre you. such a pun."
followed by the blank look of my freshman who didnt get imacorpratebrand
that just popped in my head.
this time two days ago i was laying in the middle of a field listening to the ocean looking at the stars.
im so antisocial recently. fix it.
||[31 Jan 2005|09:44pm]
| You scored as Emo & More. Emo and Screamo.|
Emo & More
Punk and Pop Punk.
Hip Hop and Rap
created with QuizFarm.com
||[31 Jan 2005|09:41pm]
| You scored as Alcohol. Woooooooooo man. Party on! But you better chill out after you get outta college, cuz you don't want to be an asshole alcoholic; an embarassment to the family. Never drink and drive, and think about the damage alcohol does to your liver.|
What's your ideal drug?
created with QuizFarm.com
||[31 Jan 2005|09:29pm]
im back from discovery.
i survived cumberland '05.? haha. actually it was really cushy car camping. and im such a wimp. i dont feel like wrtiting about it. except that i always feel weird for a day or two when i come home. it was really nice to get away this weekend. i needed it. but im glad to be home. im tired.
kate got unwired today!!! YAY!!! she called me and i knew. it definately made my day a lot. wow. so i went home showered met her kate nick and mimi at sfucks then went to mama fu. ate. then took kev back to his car. yeah so now im here. and im bored. i want to go run around or go sit outside or do something interesting. but mmehhh.
all i can say is 218 boom. remind me to be super secretive but good about it.
lind's bday is soon!!!!
mine is soon too! less soon than hers therefore less !!!! but close nonetheless
:) the end.
||[26 Jan 2005|10:20pm]
today was a day. minus any sort of adjective. it started out very promising. kevin met me at my car and with coffee and a ride to the vistors lot. that was a highlight. i also sprayed my shoes with axe this morning. um had homeroom. whats eating kT meeting during fruit break. o syob balls this is gonna be a bad play. then more classes. went to lunch at fellinis with ppl. we left out of the visitors lot and were followed by drew vincient. then mr. morris and co showed up at fellinis. we left. went back to school. ms bagby wasnt at school. had a free. went to the bookstore with hal. the lady told me i was wearing my slip in public. stupid whore. then we sat and talked a while. that was nice. i dont really feel like i have time or any desire to sit and talk anymore. or rather i have desire but not the ability or availability. anyway. went to discovery. that was fun. ill explain about the rest of my night later.
first some comments have to be made: found out Thaddeus is interviewing me for peerleadership. thats really ironic. because we had been joking about it for a long time. i like thaddeus so much. hes the best guy ever
we spent my whole history class talking about really abstract, random, stupid shit. mr. guidice was a dick as usual.
im getting better about happy faces...pdg.syob. ignoring how im really feeling to make sure i interact with people better.
kate - make sure youre logged in. there are more musings not publicized
||[24 Jan 2005|10:28pm]
well frriends and enemies, pdg died. so soon so suddenly. it was way to mainsteam after the battle of the clubs last nite. which we won by the way. note to self: make bo cookies. so today was perhaps the best day i have had in a very long time. because of PDG. so yes, today. monday is double free day. which is fun. i had a math test which wasnt. discovery was soo much fun today. but the amount of times i ran around the summer camp trying to call ppl and find the body part bag and such wasnt. the body part debrief went so fast today. hehe. umm 6th free kate and i went to starfucks for just a little while, and talked. i miss my slut time. were never alone anymore. so yeah we have a new pdg. but i cant tell you what it is. i watched trading spouses tonite and listened to lots of music and did my homework. im going to go to bed early so i can have another bitchin day tomorrow. woohoo. i feel like my oldself today. and its all because of pdg. okay so i dont have anthing to say other than today was such a good day. and i like being happy. and im glad everything i was worried about got resolved, and taht shit...i dont want to even go there.
and something else which you dont know
||[24 Jan 2005|10:16pm]
giddy802: pdg was a fucking epidemic
giddy802: like, wow
imacorpratebrand: i know
imacorpratebrand: were so cool
giddy802: super slut powers are incredible
imacorpratebrand: we start trends
imacorpratebrand: we save the world
giddy802: i mean how else could something that like succeed
giddy802: look at kevin, he failed miserable
giddy802: its cause hes not a slut like us
imacorpratebrand: we give boys instant pleasure
imacorpratebrand: we slut around
imacorpratebrand: WERE SUPERSLUTS!
giddy802: the supersluts need a themesong!
imacorpratebrand: haha i was jsut thinking that
||[23 Jan 2005|10:12pm]
||[23 Jan 2005|07:11pm]
giddy802: super sluts, put on the earth to fight crime, convict the guilty, protect the innocent... oh yeah and slut around some
||[23 Jan 2005|05:32pm]
its amazing how one song can make my heart feel butterflies. its so weird.
im really sorry to everyone for being really bitchy lately. i dont know what got/has gotten into me.
i have a proposition. or a resolution or something i dont know what to call it. it only goes through friday, but hopefully i can keep it up longer. so far, so good.
i dont feel like writing in this right now.
||[21 Jan 2005|10:04pm]
:x: name = chelsea. chelsie. chelseia. khelzey. superslut. belly.
:x: piercings = 5. ears and cartiledge. nose to come.
:x: tattoos = none...i cant decide if i want one or not.
:x: height= 5 Foot nothing!
:x: shoe size = 6
:x: hair color = dirrrrrrrty blonde. naturally brown - blonde.
:x: siblings = bailey.
:x: movie you rented = harold and kumar go to white castle
:x: movie you bought = garden state
:x: song you listened to = song three off volume 4
:x: song that was stuck in your head = song three of volume 4, im listening to get it out of my head
:x: cd you bought = LINDSAY LOHAN! or garden state for superslut
:x: cd you listened to = Let Me Count the Ways
:x: person you've called = rob
:x: person that's called you = nick harper
:x: tv show you've watched = OC
:x: person you were thinking of = vkrowtbyz. ...
:x: you have a crush on someone = crushes are no fun.
:x: you wish you could live somewhere else = yes. overseas.
:x: you think about suicide = used to. not so much anymore
:x: you believe in online dating = yeah. not dating tho but like match.com
:x: others find you attractive = beauty isnt skin deep
:x: you want more piercings = yes please.
:x: you like cleaning = yeah. i go through phases of super neat to super dirty. im in a super dirty phase right now
:x: you like roller coasters = hate them. well actually i dont know. ihavent been on one since i was tiny
:x: you write in cursive or print = Print
:x: write a 5 letter word to describe you: weird
:x: Candy: nutella. orbit gum
:x: Cartoon: rugrats
:x: Cereal: french vanilla granola from whole foods/discovery either one will do
:x: Chewing gum: green orbit
:x: Color(s): black, black, hot pink, black,
:x: Color nail polish: Black, hot pink, far out fuschia
:x: Day of week: saturday
:x: Least fave day: wednesday
:x: Flower: hyacynth. i cant spell deal with it. umm these really cool flower knob things my mom gets i dont know the names of them. but they are on these really long stalks and really nubby
:x: Jewelry: fuck bracelets. earings.
:x: Special skills/talents: music.
:x: Summer/Winter: Summer
:x: Trampolines or swimming pools: trampolines.
:x: What time is it now?: 941
:x: Apples or bananas?: fresh apple sauce
:x: Blue or red?: neither
:x: Walmart or target?: walmart has better sunglasses. bad cd department tho. they censor everything
:x: Spring or Fall?: Fall
:x: What are you gonna do after you finish this?: go listen to music
:x: What was the last meal you ate?: dinner
:x: high school or college: High School
:x: Are you bored?: mehh
:x: Last noise you heard?: "SO SEXUALLLL...."
:x: Last smell you sniffed?: no idea
:x: Last time you went out of state/province?: december, nashville
FOR OR AGAINST...
:x: long distance relationships = if necessary, but they should become friends with benefits or something at that point. bu tnot for me. would never work.
:x: using someone = against
:x: suicide = against
:x: killing people = against
:x: teenage smoking = doesnt matter to me. makes your breath smelly but tastes o so good
:x: driving drunk = no thanks
:x: gay/lesbian relationships = for.
:x: soap operas = mehh
:x: ever cried over a girl = No
:x: ever cried over a boy = yes. once. was not fun. i dont like hurting people i love
:x: ever lied to someone = Yes
:x: ever been in a fist fight = nope
:x: ever been arrested = no
:x: shampoo do you use = I alternate everyday. :)
:x: shoes do you wear = black converse
:x: are you scared of = death/tornado/earthquake/hurricane
:x: of times I have been in love? = once
:x: of times I have had my heart broken? = not yet.
:x: of hearts I have broken? = none
:x: of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? = 2
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
:x: pretty - meh
:x: funny - people laugh at my stupidity
:x: hot - no
:x: friendly – not to some people
:x: amusing - weird?
:x: ugly - thats mean
:x: loveable - no
:x: caring - Yes
:x: sweet – sometimes
:x: dorky - geeky
PERSON WHO YOU LAST...
:x: Slept in your bed: Me
:x: Saw you cry: myself/bailey
:x: Made you cry: a friend. my dad
:x: You went to the movies with: no idea
:x: Yelled at you: no comment
:x: Sent you an email: the college board
HAVE YOU EVER...
:x: Said "I love you" and meant it?: Yes.
:x: Gone out in public in your pajamas: hell yeah
:x: Kept a secret from everyone: not really i cant. well i can keep some secrets. but only if its really important
:x: Cried during a movie: yeah
:x: Ever at anytime owned new kids on the block: hell no
:x: Been to New York: Yes
:x: Been to California: Yes
:x: Hawaii: Yes
:x: China: i was suppppposed to.
:x: Canada: Yes
:x: Europe: Yes
:x: Asia: no
:x: South America: no
:x: Australia: nope
:x: Florida: Yes
:x: Wished you were the opposite sex: yes. they have it so much easier.
|in your life you seemed to have it all you seemed to have control but deep within your soul your
||[21 Jan 2005|05:43pm]
today was friday. i had a pretty good day if you look over the bad parts. i went to bed really early last nite. i think thats why i was so cranky yesterday because nothing was bothering me at all. but anyway i got in bed around 10:20 which is the earliest ive gone to bed in a long long long long long time. the one bright spot of yesterday, besides lunch and the mall with kevin and mimi and kate. was that my new IPOD arrived and it is pretty scratchless. like there are some really tiny small ones which i dont care about at all. so i put it in a condom. i need to get a screen protector for it. no more old, scratched ipod. so yeah i went to bed early and got up late today. i couldnt find anything to wear this morning, but i finally decided to wear my snoopy shirt for old times sake. i wanted to wear my fishnet jacket so i would be wearing the same thing i did that nite in canada, but i didnt. so yeah. i started off my day with thoughts of canada. my parents and i talked about it last nite, were going back up for a week maybe two this summer. to montreal. my mom is fucking obsessed with montreal. so anyway. i got to school pretty early and the walk from the tennis courts was only 8 minutes so that wasnt that bad, it god my blood rushing and woke me up. i walked with deb, she is so positive that i cant help but be in a really good mood around her! shout out to ddddddeb. so yeah. umm ms. bagby was like 30 minutes late to class this morning. and we talked about PGA punch. pure grain alcohol punch with juice. i thought of bill and liz at the same time for some reason. so yeah then assembly where i sat with mimi and threw shit at nick vaughn, watched free porn, and laughed at the cheeseball of a video. then assembly. woo i felt so good during assembly i got in the best mood ever. i ate brownies and danced around and was really happy. then math...... then spanish. then double bio. wow that class was so fun today. i sat in the back with bryce and we were REALLY obnoxious. to the point where ms. allio told me to go ahead and go to discovery 10 minutes earlier than i needed to leave hehee. so i went down to discovery. we went rock climbing today. i was demo-ing the wall, and i lost my grip and i shouted shit. it was really really really funny. o well. no big deal. thaddeus lost his wallet and i feel bad. i dont know why. he hoped it was in my car, but it wasnt. so yeah. umm what else. my mom and i are going out to dinner and to get our nails done tonite cuz i have SAT in the morning. then tomorrow is mimis bday, so were gonna go do something super fun ie: a concert. umm i need to go somewhere. and i need to call cat about WEK. which btw is gonna start the mother fuckin day i get back from disco. fuck fuck fuck
so im listening to tantric. and its perfect outside. all that is missing is a hyacynth and my dad. boo. then today would be perfect. or perfect like it used to be. bah im not gonna get started. okay im out.
i forgot to mention the hug from my hug buddy which made my day so much brighter.
and seeing bill at the gym.
and playing tic tack toe on bryce. which was really funny.
erky im glad you found your keys. but i was looking forward to giving you a ride home so we could talk.
my favorite quote of the day:
from someone to someone else in my spanish class:
"you do realize your going to do drugs of some sort if you hang out with that person."
"no really. wow i didnt know that (sarcasm) maybe ill just tell them im high on life. thats how you say no right.
no guys thanks im high on life"
OFF TO NUEVO LAREDO !!!!
||[18 Jan 2005|04:05pm]
yay. i just got back from publixxx. lind and i went and bought chicken and bacon honey mustard and loitered around sfucks and talked about how stupid girls are. i am removing myself as of....now. im going to be nice but not too nice. whatever is all i can say. im sick of this shit spilling over into other, more important parts of my life. other things and people are much more important than all of this uncessary shit. im done. end of story.